People do not change but they can improve.
It is important to bear in mind that though people do not change (that’s inherited DNA) they have the potential to improve! And our focus always must be on improvement only. We learn if we have the intent to improve.
Continuous change and problems generated by change, challenge healthy relationships. Fear or lack of trust and communications filled with assumptions resulting in miscommunications are the biggest threats to relationships.
That’s why NVC or non-violent communication is so close to my heart! I will urge the reader to go through my posts on NVC. It is communication with integrity. Relationships life and breath are trust and respect. And NVC, as propounded by Marshal Rosenberg, helps us show this trust and respect by communicating honestly with the other person. NVC keeps the focus on connection and the value of the relationship. What is alive in the person, and what does the person need, this is what NVC tries to dive into.
It is important to take ownership of the problems. If we can take an action and resolve it, then take ownership and act on it. If we are not able to make the change or resolve find the person who has the capacity to do so, transfer the ownership to that person.
Be patient, practice tolerance and give space… the other three core attributes for healthy relationships. Each partner in a marriage is a teacher to the other. We are students and teachers at the same time. You learn to let your spouse drive in circles, refusing to listen to your instructions, although you know the directions perfectly well. Be patient. Practice Tolerance. Give them space.
Let your patience communicate the trust you have in their ability, the respect you have in the partner to make the right choice. Spouses must not take conflicts as threats or challenges, instead welcome them as opportunities for growth and learning.
Without mutual trust and respect, learning is painful. With it, it is invigorating and enriching.
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