In our day and age, marriage as an institution was immensely important. Marriage meant many things: a partner who would provide for the family, the other in an unspoken agreement to take care of the family. Children, who would be your torch bearers and carry on your legacy. When we made our vows ‘till death do us part’ we meant it and believed in its lasting power. Our roles were defined, and things were much in black in white. The united family structure ensured that the children always had someone watching over them, the mother or grandparents or uncles and aunts. One helped the other and one accommodated for the other.
It was not without conflicts, yet it was a more peaceful and amicable way of life. It had fewer gray areas, better clarity of role, purpose and expectations.
Today, we live in an age of equality. We no longer see the need to be married. Both the partners’ work. Grandparents are far away. Children are raised in creche’s or by maids. Who is responsible for what is blurred. Money can buy everything, anything.
The family institution is under stress. We can no longer rely on the traditions transmitted from one generation to the other. We have to make our own rules now.
Dr. Adizes suggests ‘writing down an agreement of your own.’ The agreement has everything and anything under the sun. What is important, has significance and holds dear to the parties needs to be on the agreement, big, very small, everything.
As we enter a relationship, expect change.
Change is the only constant, so a relationship is also bound to change. Please make room for change in the agreement also. The agreement too changes, as the relationship, roles, responsibilities change.
Dr. Adizes says, ‘Do all your divorcing before getting married.’
Do things together, block that time, and never ever stop. Love and relationships both need continuous working together. Eating, sleeping, playing, reading, movies, walking, art, therapy, dance, music, keep an endless list, and keep adding to the list.
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