We have spoken about love, and what is important for lasting love. Trust, respect, communicating with integrity are the core ingredients which help us live in an environment with love. The Satchidananda state which devout Hindus aspire for.
What threatens this Satchidananda state? Our resistance to change. All relationships suffer this change resistance syndrome. At home, the parents want to parent forever. Especially Indian parents cannot help not offering unasked for advice! It comes from a place of love, but it is not welcome after a point of time. They resist the need to change when it is glaringly evident to them that the children have grown up and can make their own decisions. Soon this unbridled advice is resented by the progeny.
To love and to give is not an inherited trait but a learned habit. We all, in all situations, should know when to let go, or we become the prisoners of our wish to control.
Acknowledge what your parents have offered you. You are where you are today because of them. Honor and be grateful for what you have received from your parents.
And the parents need to recall the resentment they felt when their parents’ offered advice. How unheard and impotent it made them feel, and how much they wanted to request the parents to show some trust, some faith that they raised their children right!
This fear or lack of trust drives the deepest wedge in the closest relationships. The expectation that the other person will change, needs to change is never met.
Adizes insists that people must try to honor, respect and acknowledge their parents and valued relationships, even if it is not done wholeheartedly!
You do not know what value people give you until the discussion is over, and even then, it is not clear who is right. But if you honor them, you might learn something.
Love is a phenomenon of being totally integrated. Total integration is an utopian expectation. All relationships need change, change is the eternal constant, and people do not change…
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