To expect is to give power to whatever or whomever you expect anything from. It disempowers you. You become a prisoner of your expectations. And no prisoner is happy in their prison-Dr. Adizes
I have not known a single meaningful relationship which is free of expectations. I am prisoner of my own unverbalized needs and wants and I was curious to know what Dr. Adizes was offering.
Like all other philosophers he wants us to start with loving the self, as the first step. Each has their own flaws and strengths and how we speak to ourselves and rationalize our thoughts and actions is exactly how our expectations of the other are formed.
Self-empathy plays a pivotal role in NVC, and self-awareness is the by-product of regular meditation. Additionally, Dr. Adizes adds, “Be different but integrate together… Integrate yourself first, integrate your relationships with your loved ones next, and then integrate humanity.”
“Love is not based on expected rewards, emotional or otherwise. It is what it is. It is like breathing. No one can take it away from you as long as you are alive. The same applies to love.”
Self-awareness and self-acceptance play a crucial role in communicating love without strings attached. If we start the journey with absolute self-acceptance, then we see no room for improvement in ourselves. A little self-awareness helps in a big way. Acknowledging our faults makes room for being non-judgmental about others and accepting them with their faults. Because, as we are and however we are; we project the same persona to everyone around us. Expectations from the self are aligned with expectations with the significant other.
I am a perfectionist and very unforgiving towards myself. Dr. Adizes says love first, and forgiveness follows love. If I am unable to love and forgive myself, then loving the other also becomes conditional. Letting go is difficult. The problem starts with me, so the remedial journey also has to begin with me, love and forgive myself first.
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