The two oft repeated queries of every seeker are: Who am I? and What is my Real Goal?Dr.Adizes reveals his mantra:
Speak without offending.
Listen without defending.
Love without depending.
Live without pretending.
I am closing this series on ‘What matters in life’ with Dr. Adize’s views:
Who am I? – I am the role I am playing at that moment! When I am teaching, I am a teacher, learning -I am a student. I am having dinner with my wife- I am the partner, dropping kids off to school – l am the affectionate parent, I am cooking – a family member, a friend, employee, employer, boss… The role defines who I am. And I am a sum of all the parts, a little bit of all the roles I play, is who I become.
Being true to all the roles and their myriad responsibilities is the goal. Life is our battlefield offering a plethora of opportunities to learn and grow. There are no failures in life: you either succeed or you learn. Real success depends on how successfully you handle your failures.
To speak without offending is the essence of non-violent communication. Express yourself honestly, without any judgement or opinion. We resort to offense and try to shut the other person by attacking them, maybe because we are afraid to lose. It is important to acknowledge that in a relationship it is never about winning or losing.
To listen without defending is possible when we are open hearted. This is a tenet offered by Marshal Rosenberg too. Listen with empathy, listen with complete attention and things get resolved of their own accord, with time. Communicate with a teaspoon, not a firehose!
Love without depending, does not need an explanation. Love for the sake of love. Love despite whatever else. Love without expectations. Because there is no other way of loving. The best way not to depend on is not to expect.
Live without pretending. At all times, ‘to thine own self, be true’. Because it is easier to live a life without games and pretenses! They end up prisoners of a personality of their imagination born from unfulfilled aspirations. Your heart knows when you are pretending. Your heart knows when you lie.
So, in order to be genuine, can you listen and follow your heart? Your thoughts…
Kommentare