One of the many goals of meditation is to enable self-awareness so that we lead a life which is balanced and aligned with ‘Manasa – Vacha – Karma’. What we think, what we say and what we do become one, naturally or effortlessly.
Unfortunately, any direction I turn my eyes in, I see duplicity or the acceptance of duality. From my tender years, being my own person was not practiced. My life was and is rooted in being someone else, the person others would want me to be, or prefer me to be. I naturally behave differently at home and at work. I am encouraged, appreciated that I am adept at being different with each family member, and with friends my attitude is different. What I wear at home is usually not what I wear when I step out. There is no one to see in me all my grandiose. Who need I dress up for? What I eat at home is not what I seek when I am at someone else’s place or at a restaurant. In everything, there is an inbuilt duality. I am forever playing a part, behaving in a way which is suited to someone else’s needs, either out of love or duty or fear or respect or for peace… I am barely ever the person I want to be, doing, expressing what I think and believe in.
I compounded my woes by falling prey to all the attractions that lured me away from listening to the voice within. From a formative, impressionable age, how I am judged by the other person became a matter of grave concern, and this obsession is so deep seated that I never had the time to look within. I have been divided in my thoughts, words and deeds from the time I was mentored about life lessons. Being honest, within the grey area is acceptable, behave so as not to hurt anyone, do what others like because doing what I like will be upstream and I may not have any support. Before I realized, my thoughts, words and deeds were in three different directions. I no longer know what I want, who I truly am and what will bring me lasting peace or contentment.
It's worse today, with the advancement in technology. I craved the appreciation of real living people, people I knew and cared about. Today, children are immersed in a virtual world. Social connections are no longer face to face. Appreciation and advice are sought via social media channels from random strangers. To reach out and stay in touch with our own is a challenge. The likes on social media are satisfactory because the people we live with don’t seem to appreciate or encourage us. They judge and voice dissent more often than it suits us.
This growing distance between who we want to be and how we are is rising epidemically. Is there a way to instill the idea of living by the tenet of Manasa Vacha Karma?
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