It is posited that "Everything we do is in service of our needs." Needs are what is alive in us, what our entire being is trying to meet, satisfy.
Though the psychologist, Abraham Maslow, categorized needs in a hierarchy, Marshal Rosenberg keeps it simple, saying, “Needs are universal.” As per him there is no needs hierarchy, what is alive in us is a need. What we are trying to fulfill is our need. And being labeled needy, if we are intent on meeting our needs, is a proud label to hang on to.
Need remains the same for all, the difference is in the strategies, or the methods we employ to meet these needs. Strategies are things we do, the actions we take to meet our needs. There are many strategies that we can use to meet a single need. And these multi strategies are at the root of all the conflict that we see around us. The choices (strategies) we make to fulfil those needs cause the conflict, because these choices are not agreeable to everyone.
I am giving a mundane example to elucidate the different between needs and strategies, magnify this or put the same reasoning to any scenario, mundane or profound, the core answer will reveal the same thing, strategy is at the root of conflict, not the need.
Need – for some good time – I was not working back then and used to spend most of my weekdays at home, doing daily chores and watching television. And every weekend I used to long for some good time, which for me was visiting a friend or going for a movie, simply stepping out of the house. For my husband, who would be working from Monday to Friday, 7:00 am to 9:00pm, weekend would have the same need, some good time, but the way he wanted to have a good time was different. He loathed to step out of the house. For him, curling up on the sofa, watching a movie with a warm home cooked meal was ‘good time’.
Strategy - At times one strategy helps meet may needs too – Another daily life example: when my son visits us during his holidays, we play games together. Playing a game is merely a strategy as it meets a need for all of us. Our son is competitive and loves to win. He puts all his heart into the game and makes it stimulating and exciting for all of us. His need to win is met, nine out of ten times! His sister loves to spend time with him, and wants to pick on his brain, get ideas and inputs. Such chances are very few nowadays, but whilst playing a game lot of exchange of ideas happens and she is very happy. If she wins, she is jubilant, but her brother’s victory is no less joyous for her. I am happy as the family is together. With time a chance to be together, relaxed and agenda free is so scarce, such games bring me immense joy. Lastly, the man of the house is the happiest, as us playing a game means he can curl up on a sofa and watch a movie, undisturbed.
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