Non-violent communication as propounded by Marshal Rosenberg offers tools to express oneself with honesty and integrity. The essence of NVC is to keep the connection alive and express the needs within, ensuring that the message is understood as intended and takes the person a step closer to meeting the need. The four pillars of NVC are OFNR: Observation, Feelings, Needs, and Request.
Anything we communicate with the self or with the other, we try to communicate using the above four tools. Here, we are trying to apologize😊the NVC way.
A profound word, which sadly sounds hollow and meaningless when thrown at the other for anything and everything. Where I live, sorry follows everything. You don’t want to continue the discussion; you say sorry and abruptly bring it to a close. The decision making is taking few seconds longer than intended, you are sorry and go with the other person’s decision even though you are not yet convinced. You unintentionally trip and fall, hurt yourself, yet you are brushing aside your pain and profusely apologizing to the other person. I am not sure how and since when, but this inane habit is part of me too. I mouth an apology unconsciously, with no intention of actioning on that apology. If I am sorry for holding the queue, is it possible that I will not hold the queue ever in the future? Or have I at least informed the person my reason(s) for holding the queue?
This course has offered me a chance to make amends. Mean what I say and say what I mean. An apology makes a world of difference, when offered the OFNR way. Because, if it is not coming from within it has no relevance, it is a mere lip-service. An apology using OFNR becomes meaningful for the person who is saying and to the person who is receiving the apology.
A simple example of an apology where we want to pick up an ongoing unresolved discussion with a dear one, in a better state of mind:
Observation, we have touched the same points for the 5th time in the past 15minutes. Feeling and need, I am feeling frustrated right now and need to think this through with a calm mind. It is difficult for me to come up with anything useful right now, and I do apologize for that. Request, will it be okay if we can continue after I am back from my walk?
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