This post is copied from the NVC weekly, and explains Needs beautifully, and differently:
All of us, everyone in the world, have the same needs. Consider love, shelter, nurturing, support, caring, and joy. Each one of these is a universal need. So, if we all have the same needs, how is it that there is so much conflict in the world? Because we differ in the methods, we choose to meet them.
Most people argue for their methods, not their needs. Consider Al Qaeda’s bombing of the World Trade Center in 2001. Can you imagine that this action was an effort to meet needs for autonomy, solidarity, and to be heard? Isn’t it likely that all world leaders have the same needs for their countries?
Consider the conflict between the Palestinians and Israelis. Can you imagine that both sides have similar needs for peace, respect, understanding, freedom, safety, and land to call their own?
When parents argue about what school their child will attend, is it possible that they are both trying to meet their needs for financial security as well as their child’s safety, learning, and fun?
Very often, all parties are trying to meet the same needs, but their strategies differ. Once we understand this, we can start to focus on the needs rather than the strategies when negotiating with others, and in this way increase everyone’s opportunity for peaceful, mutually satisfying resolutions.
Hope the above makes sense😊. Next post, I will elaborate a little more and identify the non-needs. We are trained to identify with strategies, which are very different from Needs. Awareness of my needs and how when I learn to shift my focus from my strategies to meeting my needs helped me in actually communicating honestly.
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