Dr. Carol Dweck, in her book Mindset, says that our mindset is shaped every day, from the day we become aware of the self, and surroundings! James Clear, the author of the international bestseller, Atomic Habits, also says something similar, our habits define us, and our personality is a snowball of our environment, upbringing, beliefs and experiences.
I have been a victim of fixed mindset for a long time. My idea of love was being able to obliterate one’s identity for the sake of the beloved. My approach to communicating in love was, my loved one should ‘know’ what is in my mind without me having to voice it! My thoughts about a loving relationship were, accede to what I say, and if the other person counters or even hints a disagreement, then it cannot be true love! My philosophy of being a loving parent was, do what I say, and I will love you forever.
Consciously I was never aware, only after reading this book did it dawn on me that, though I kept saying ‘I love you’ to my children, my behavior gave them a very different underlined threat! ‘Do as I say, or else…’!
I lived under the illusion of being the ’perfect’ person. If the world thought otherwise, the problem would be with the world, not me. It was easy to blame and shrug off the minor dissent that came from the near and dear ones. I would placate myself thinking, they are jealous of me, or they want to blame someone so they will blame me, or they are at fault they need a better pair of glasses to see the ‘perfect’ me!
Thankfully, meditation, good friends and books like these have helped me change myself. Mindsets can change, it takes extreme will power, and where there is a will, there is a way!!
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