Feelings are the first hint we have about ourselves, and the emotions we are experiencing. The physical expression gives us direction and points towards the unfulfilled needs in us. No feeling is ever because of the other. What the other person does or says can be the triggers or catalysts to the many feelings that flood us. The job is to try and identify your feelings. Once the feeling is identified we quickly rush to identify our needs. Because our needs dictate our actions.
To be conscious of our judgements, opinions and why or what is triggering them, is a good habit as this helps us build self-awareness. A shift in the awareness of self and the other occurs when I appreciate or give an opinion, and I take a pause to introspect and understand what need in me is getting fulfilled. What in me is satiated when I form those opinions. When I fulfil a need, accomplish something that matters to me, then I am likely to feel content and happy. This fulfilling of my need contributes to, takes a step toward, bringing me joy and nourishment.
Unfortunately, our conditioning is such that we are asked to ignore or not-acknowledge our needs, as we are called needy whenever we express our needs. With time we consciously suppressed that vocabulary because of our upbringing and how we are conditioned. Finding ourselves expressing our needs becomes alien to us. Though this life force is our motivator, because we have not been encouraged to connect with this life force, we express ourselves in other ways, and try to fulfil that need. The ways taught by the world are more alienating than connecting. Like the opinions and judgements, we form about self and others.
The further we distance ourselves from our true needs, the more we lean towards the life-alienating language we are raised with. The more life-alienating language we get habituated to, the more likely it is that we focus on the chaos of the head and ignore the calm reason of the heart. The temporary needs do get fulfilled, but the heart continues to yearn, and it doesn’t know what it truly wants, or what exactly can offer that peace within.
Marshal Rosenberg encourages us to be needy, if that is what it takes to be aware of what is alive in us. As at the core, we all have the same needs, and being aware of them will help us work and live in harmony.
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