Having a child is probably the most awaited moment in a married couple’s life. In India, children are the pride of the whole family, parent, uncles, aunts, grandparents. If a couple has any disagreement, the common counsel still offered is, ‘Have a child, things will resolve of their own accord.’ This advice is offered in all earnestness and counsellors do believe that a child can resolve many, if not all the concerns a sparring couple may have. From my observation though, the new age couples don’t seem so eager to have children. Which brings me to the research today which seem to lend veracity to my thoughts.
Research is contradictory to what our grandparents said. Raising a kid today is very stressful and not a prospect many couples look forward to. In one study, the psychologist Daniel Kahneman and his colleagues asked about 900 employed women to report, at the end of each day, every one of their activities and how happy they were when they did them. They recalled being with their children as less enjoyable than many other activities, such as watching TV, shopping, or preparing food. Other studies find that when a child is born, parents experience a decrease in happiness that doesn’t go away for a long time, in addition to a drop in marital satisfaction that doesn’t usually recover until the children leave the house. As the Harvard professor Dan Gilbert puts it, “The only symptom of empty nest syndrome is nonstop smiling.”
It does make sense though, because with the many challenges a newborn can bring, it will be ideal if new parents can get help from wherever they can. Working towards creating the village as a support system, can be helpful in many ways. A strong bond in the community means the new parents can have help at hand, physical and emotional support which is crucial at that point in time. The first few years as parents, the need for someone to talk to, to lean on, to be with, contributes to the overall wellbeing of the parents. They can get their ‘me time’ and engage with the child with more enthusiasm and joy. Our parents lacked the financial resources but were wealthy with the support system because of the village.
Unfortunately, with the escalating cost of living, lack of the right amount of wealth is never-ending. Seeking wealth in far off lands, we ourselves are emotionally starved and long for the bonds of the village. Having a child does seem a dauting task, as we seem to be multiplying our worries, physically, mentally, emotionally and financially!
“As the Atlantic staff writer Jennifer Senior notes in her book, All Joy and No Fun, children provoke a couple’s most frequent arguments—“more than money, more than work, more than in-laws, more than annoying personal habits, communication styles, leisure activities, commitment issues, bothersome friends, sex.”
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